The Truth

4/1/2010

A few days ago, I noticed that I would wake up relaxed and rested, but the efforts of getting up and getting Jesse off to school left me exhausted and tense. I felt the same way after social interactions with others, no matter where they were, on the job, at Church, in the marketplace. I placed my consciousness on this and pondered why this would be. It came to me that I exert a great deal deal of energy trying to be a certain way: chatty, upbeat, positive, encouraging, micromanaging the details of my son’s preparation for school; putting on a certain face to meet the public, even my very best friends and family. I soon saw that I was not being honest. I was lying in every moment and it was draining my life’s energy from me. I resolved in that moment to be more honest, and not because it was the “right thing to do,” but because it made me happy, peaceful and relaxed. This resolution has allowed miraculous changes to happen for me. I enjoy my interactions with everyone much more. I feel closer and more connected to people. I feel less afraid. I am able to respond to people in an honest open way instead of trying to figure out what and how I’m supposed to be.

Now I have more energy to give to others, to be concerned about the needs of others. I am happy and I want to share that, I want others to be happy, too. It is no longer a burden to carry about my façade, so now I may try to lift the burdens of others.

The Truth is becoming much more evident as I navigate the terrain of my day. Other people’s responses to me, the ones I used to use as road markers for how well I was doing, completely putting my self opinion in the hands of others, became information about them. If they are angry, accusing, critical or angry, I can see that that has nothing to do with me. Now, this is not something that I had never heard before, but I’d always just hoped it was true and never truly believed it was. What a wonderful way to go through life! Now when I observe someone who is angry, I know they are just afraid, afraid they won’t have enough, be enough, get enough done. I have enough to offer some of what I have. How cool is that? “And you shall know the truth and the Truth shall make you free.” John 8.32